Monday, June 10, 2013

2012: A Year in Review - In Movies

I realize it has been about six months since my last blog post, but that's only because I'm a horrible blogger. I mean, really. Let's just be honest. But, I come to you today with a topic that is quite near and dear to my heart:
 Stupid movies.

As previously mentioned in a couple of blog posts, my friend Sally and I love watching
stupid movies.
Stupidly wonderful movies. 

At the beginning of 2012, Sally and I decided that we would record each and every movie that we watched during the year so we could look back on the anthology of horrible awesomeness.
What will follow in the coming weeks will both amaze and horrify you.
You may just be surprised.
Or angry?
Hopefully not angry.

Our Process
We scientifically decided which movies to watch, then prepared ourselves to be amazed.
(Let the record show that in our case "scientifically" meant closing our eyes while being spun around in the aisle of the movie store, and then renting whatever movie we were pointing at when we were done spinning. The movie store people loved us)
Side note: a few TV shows made their way onto this list. Thanks, Netflix!
By now you're probably asking - Emily, couldn't you and your friend have spent your time doing something more productive? 
Possibly. But when you really think about it, most likely not.
Besides, you can't say that we're not dedicated toward a goal.
For the record, we pretty much only watched movies between the hours of 11:00 PM and 1:00 AM, so we had already accomplished all of our goals during the daylight hours.

Disclaimer for my own piece of mind: Sally was working full time and planning a wedding, and I was working 2 jobs during this year, so we didn't just sit around watching movies.

PS - one of the best parts of watching these movies is trying to dissect them afterwards.
Generally, we can't make heads or tails of them, and we end the conversation with shouting "HOW DO THESE MOVIES GET MADE?!"
But then we think about how we just spent money on the movie, so maybe the joke is on us.
You win again, Hollywood!

We watched 75 things. 
This included 18 TV episodes and 57 movies.

Point System
As with any wonderful goal, we had a point system in place.
We designated extra points for the following items: 
- If the movie started with the word "the"
- If the movie was a prequel or sequel to another movie.
- If Brendan Fraser or Nicolas Cage "acted" in the movie. 
Yes, I put "acted" in quotes.
For obvious reasons.

Also, we love watching movies out of order. Meaning, if given the option, we chose to watch the third installment of a movie over the first even if we had not yet seen the first or second installments.
It's fairly enjoyable.

Since we want to do justice by these (atrocious) movies, we decided it would be best to break this list down into installments. I'll post the full list of what we watched, and then we'll post a breakdown/description/plea for an explanation of each movie/episode in the coming weeks.
Don't try to hide your excitement.

There will most likely be rewards for people who can apply logic to some of these horrible movies. For instance, if anyone can tell me how the Scorpion King movies coincide with each other, please let me know. Because it kind of seems like they made three completely different movies, and then the Committee to Name Movies was like "Wow, this movie doesn't make any sense, but, they shoot arrows in it, so go ahead and name this one Scorpion King 2. Nobody will ever know."
Without further ado, I present to you:
Things Sally and Emily Watched: 2012 Edition
Wicker Man: Nicolas Cage points!
Wrong Turn 2: Sequel points!
Scorpion King 3: Sequel/Prequel points!
Boogeyman 2: Sequel points!
White Noise 2:Sequel points!
Lake Placid 3: Sequel points!
The Grudge 2: Sequel points!
20 Bucks: Brendan Fraser points!
The Scorpion King: Prequel/Sequel points!
Twilight 4 Part 1: It's just so ridiculous.
Journey to the Center of the Earth: Brendan Fraser points!
Quarantine 2: Sequel points!
The Mummy: Brendan Fraser points!
The Mummy 3: Brendan Fraser points! Sequel points!
The Cell 2: Sequel points!
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, episode "Money Problems"
I Escaped a Cult (TV Show)
What Lies Beneath (Confession: I legitimately like this movie)
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, episode "Thanksgiving"
America's Next Top Model - Cycle 16, Season Finale
Season of the Witch: Nicolas Cage points!
The Good Son: Truth be told, we kind of didn't hate this one. 
The Mummy 2: Brendan Fraser points! Sequel points!
National Treasure: Nicolas Cage points!
Face Off: Nicolas Cage points! (Between Travolta and Cage I think I understood about 10 words in the entire movie)
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "Ladies Night"
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "Customer Come Here"
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "The End of the World"
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "Pikes Peak"
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "Cooper vs. Quinn" - a very special double episode
Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "What is Love"
Paranormal Activity 4: Sequel points!

If you read all of that you deserve a reward. Maybe I'll send you a copy of one of these movies.
You won't be disappointed. 


  1. I would go ahead and give yourself some sequel points for MegaShark vs. Crocosaurus--as it is the sequel to MegaShark vs. Giant Octopus. Thank you Syfy, thank you.

  2. Also, Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead, you need to see it.

    1. Oh my goodness. I definitely have to watch Joy Ride 2. Can't wait. Also, how have I not seen MegaShark vs. Giant Octopus?! I'm so ashamed.