2012: A Year in Review - In Movies

 

I realize it has been about six months since my last blog post, but that's only because I'm a horrible blogger. I mean, really. Let's just be honest. But, I come to you today with a topic that is quite near and dear to my heart:

 Stupid movies.

As previously mentioned in a couple of blog posts, my friend Sally and I love watching
stupid movies.
Stupidly wonderful movies. 

At the beginning of 2012, Sally and I decided that we would record each and every movie that we watched during the year so we could look back on the anthology of horrible awesomeness.
What will follow in the coming weeks will both amaze and horrify you.

Probably.

You may just be surprised.

Or angry?

Hopefully not angry.

Our Process
We scientifically decided which movies to watch, then prepared ourselves to be amazed.

(Let the record show that in our case "scientifically" meant closing our eyes while being spun around in the aisle of the movie store, and then renting whatever movie we were pointing at when we were done spinning. The movie store people loved us)

Side note: a few TV shows made their way onto this list. Thanks, Netflix!

By now you're probably asking - Emily, couldn't you and your friend have spent your time doing something more productive? 

Possibly. But when you really think about it, most likely not.
Besides, you can't say that we're not dedicated toward a goal.
For the record, we pretty much only watched movies between the hours of 11:00 PM and 1:00 AM, so we had already accomplished all of our goals during the daylight hours.

Disclaimer for my own piece of mind: Sally was working full time and planning a wedding, and I was working 2 jobs during this year, so we didn't just sit around watching movies.

PS - one of the best parts of watching these movies is trying to dissect them afterwards.
Generally, we can't make heads or tails of them, and we end the conversation with shouting "HOW DO THESE MOVIES GET MADE?!"
But then we think about how we just spent money on the movie, so maybe the joke is on us.
You win again, Hollywood!

Stats

We watched 75 things. 

This included 18 TV episodes and 57 movies.

Point System

As with any wonderful goal, we had a point system in place.
We designated extra points for the following items: 

- If the movie started with the word "the"

- If the movie was a prequel or sequel to another movie.

- If Brendan Fraser or Nicolas Cage "acted" in the movie. 

Yes, I put "acted" in quotes.
For obvious reasons.

Also, we love watching movies out of order. Meaning, if given the option, we chose to watch the third installment of a movie over the first even if we had not yet seen the first or second installments.
It's fairly enjoyable.

Since we want to do justice by these (atrocious) movies, we decided it would be best to break this list down into installments. I'll post the full list of what we watched, and then we'll post a breakdown/description/plea for an explanation of each movie/episode in the coming weeks.
Don't try to hide your excitement.

There will most likely be rewards for people who can apply logic to some of these horrible movies. For instance, if anyone can tell me how the Scorpion King movies coincide with each other, please let me know. Because it kind of seems like they made three completely different movies, and then the Committee to Name Movies was like "Wow, this movie doesn't make any sense, but, they shoot arrows in it, so go ahead and name this one Scorpion King 2. Nobody will ever know."
 

Without further ado, I present to you:

Things Sally and Emily Watched: 2012 Edition

 

Below

The Legend of Sorrow Creek

Decadent Evil

Wicker Man: Nicolas Cage points!

Wrong Turn 2: Sequel points!

The Grudge

Scorpion King 3: Sequel/Prequel points!

Boogeyman 2: Sequel points!

White Noise

White Noise 2:Sequel points!

Lake Placid 3: Sequel points!

The Grudge 2: Sequel points!

20 Bucks: Brendan Fraser points!
The Scorpion King: Prequel/Sequel points!

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

The Lady in Black

Love at First Kill

Last House On The Left

The Morgue

The New Daughter

A Walk to Remember

Twilight 4 Part 1: It's just so ridiculous.

Journey to the Center of the Earth: Brendan Fraser points!

The Air I Breathe

Lake Dead

The Presence

Quarantine 2: Sequel points!

Wrong Turn

The Mummy: Brendan Fraser points!

The Mummy 3: Brendan Fraser points! Sequel points!

The Cell 2: Sequel points!

The Betrayed

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, episode "Money Problems"

I Escaped a Cult (TV Show)

What Lies Beneath (Confession: I legitimately like this movie)

Insidious

Child's Play

Pet Sematary

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, episode "Thanksgiving"

America's Next Top Model - Cycle 16, Season Finale

Vampires

Season of the Witch: Nicolas Cage points!

The Good Son: Truth be told, we kind of didn't hate this one. 

The Hangover

The Exorcist

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

The Mummy 2: Brendan Fraser points! Sequel points!

National Treasure: Nicolas Cage points!

Red Riding Hood

April Fools Day

Troll 2

Face Off: Nicolas Cage points! (Between Travolta and Cage I think I understood about 10 words in the entire movie)

Orphan

Keeping Up With the Kardashians - Season 1

Triangle

Dream House

Ghost Ship

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "Ladies Night"

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "Customer Come Here"

Dreamcatcher

Gothika

The Strangers

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode "The End of the World"

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "Pikes Peak"

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "Cooper vs. Quinn" - a very special double episode

Dr. Quinn - Season 3, Episode, "What is Love"

Joy Ride

Christmas Vacation

Paranormal Activity 4: Sequel points!

Twilight 4 Part 2

If you read all of that you deserve a reward. Maybe I'll send you a copy of one of these movies.
You won't be disappointed. 

DPP: Day 12

 

Day 12 (aka 12/12/12):

 

As I've previously mentioned on this blog, my friend Sally and I love watching stupid movies. We love it even more if the stupid movies have Brendan Fraser in them.

(Seriously, how does he keep getting movie roles?)

We love it even EVEN more if we can eat Ben and Jerry's while watching a stupid movie in which Brendan Fraser is "acting."

 

So, it's not stretch to say that we were kind of excited when the stars aligned last night, and all of those marvelous occurrences took place.

 



 

Lsat night was the first time we watched it with subtitles. Why we have never done this before is beyond me. We learned who characters were, (did you know that the random dude who acompanies them on the trip was the warden?).

Maybe I should open this up for discussion.
Why did the mummy (Imhotep) take the eyes of the guy who had horrible vision? If we use logic (probably our first mistake), wouldn't he have wanted to take the eyes of, oh, say someone who doesn't need glasses? Like, anyone else in the cast?
Why was Imhotep terrified of the cat in the hotel room? Didn't Egyptians love cats?

Did Imhotep fall think Evie was Anak-sun-amun simply because she was the first woman he saw upon being brought back to life? Or was it because she read from the Book of the Dead?
Didn't the ancient Egyptians use scrolls?

 

What questions do you all have.
Let's hash this out.

 

That Seems Fair (Word Play!)

For those of you who follow me on FaceTwitterGram, you may have noticed that I went to the Oklahoma State Fair last month with my dearest Sally friend.

Sally and I hadn't been to the fair in years, so we figured it was time to go back so we could partake in fried food/people watching goodness. And we lucked out that Oklahoma decided to turn to Fall and not be 100+ degrees. Thanks, State!

We created a game at the beginning of the night:
"Things That Could Kill You."
It's a really fun game, and I encourage all of you to try it out at least once. The rules are simple, but the rewards are long lasting.
Basically, you just locate any items that could kill you, then you avoid said items, and then you laugh about them. Easy.

So, without further ado, the finalists of TTCKY at the 2012 Oklahoma State Fair:
Grass hill at a 75 degree angle that was covered with cars (Trust me. It was terrifying)
Rusty barb wire separating the cars from the pedestrians
Random wooden spike in the middle of the grass parking section

Those are just the finalists. That list doesn't even include the obvious TTCKY contenders that appear at the fair each year. (For example, the carnival workers, the portable rides, the probable drug dealers, and for long term TTCKY - fried food. Heart disease is no joke)

Also, let's name all of the wonderful State Fair-ish things from this photo:

1) Beautiful, braided rat tail (11:00. Striped shirt)
2) Uber creepy stare from older man (2:00)
3) NASCAR advertisement (above creepy old man)
4) Tube top (behind/beside rat tail)

PS - Funnel cake. The end.

The Dearest of Jennies

So, I have the friend named Jenny. 

(You may also hear my refer to Jenny as JenSquare, JenJen, and/or The Little JenJen That Could)

(what friends don't pose for pictures on condemned bridges in rural Oklahoma?)

I've mentioned her on this blog before, because she's kind of the greatest. 

We like to have fun and be ridiculous. 

For instance - on one of my trips to DC to visit Miss Jenny, we re-enacted could-be moments from Nicolas Cage movies. (Mainly the National Treasures)

(We had just found a really important clue, but as soon as Jenny tried to grab it, the lion statue started to move due to a trap that Benjamin Franklin placed inside the statue (because he loved lions. And America))

Anyhow, her birthday was on Monday, so I decided to dedicate a post to her today. 

I know what you're thinking: "Umm, if her birthday was on Monday, why are you just now writing a post about her?" 

Well, because I wanted to spread the birthday joy around.

Back to Jenny. 

I've known Jenny for almost 10 years (which is just insane). She introduced me to Cafe Good Stuff, Downton Abbey, and DC. She used to carry a pocket Constitution with her wherever she went. She will always quote Anne of Green Gables, You've Got Mail, and The Devil Wears Prada with me. 

I've visited her in DC three times, met up with her in NYC one time, and we've spent countless hours being ridiculous/chatting/talking/dreaming/all of the above.

Fun fact: Jenny and I pretty much think and do the exact same things at the exact same time. 

Always. 

It never fails. 

It happens with everything. We'll say the same thing at the same time. We both purchased new purple Essie nail polish on the same day without knowing it. 

One time, when on completely separate trips, we both booked the same flight from Houston to OKC. And those examples are just the tip of the iceberg. 

Final picture: shredding on Guitar Hero. Because, duh.

                        

Catching Up

It has officially been over a month since my last blog post. How did September come and go so quickly? 

I really just don't understand.

Do you want to know all of the awesome things I accomplished while I was away from Bloggerville? Perfect, I shall tell you.

First, I vacationed in Croatia with Andy Cohen, then I started up season 2 of my talk show, and then - oh, wait. That's Anderson Cooper. Not me. I always get our lives mixed up. You know, because we're both Vanderbilts.

Anyhow. I have been busy, but not in the same adventurous ways as good ol' Anderson. 

Do you think Anderson watched any of these movies in the past month? 

Psh. Doubt it.

And Anderson only wishes that he got to attend this awesome one-year-old's 1st birthday party.

OK, so Anderson did probably beat me in the "overall awesome" category, but did he really? 

Let's face it, we're probably neck and neck.

Stupid Movies

I've briefly mentioned that my friend Sally and I love watching stupid movies. We love good movies, too, but it's a ton of fun to watch a stupid movie and make fun of it the entire time. Have you tried it before?

You should.

The same questions always seem to come up whenever we watch a stupid movie.

Why did someone pay to make the movie? How did people agree to "act" in the movie? Did the actors/actresses see the script before they signed on? Are there people out there who legitimately liked the movie?

The list goes on and on.

At the beginning of the year, Sally and I decided to compile all of the movies we watched throughout 2012; the good, the bad, the horrible, and the hilarious.

I don't want to give anything away, but the list is kind of incredible.

Is there a stupid movie that you think we need to add to our list? Is there a stupid movie that is your all-time favorite stupid movie?

FYI: We give ourselves bonus points if the movies include Brendan Fraser, Nicolas Cage, or if they being with the word "the."

Thanks in advance for the recommendations.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Awesomeness

Happy August, everyone!


What better way to celebrate the arrival of August than to highlight a moment in July?

Yes, I realize that it has nearly been a month since the Fourth of July, but there's no statute of limitations on uploading photos from a fantastic holiday celebration, right? That's what I thought.

Sometimes the stars align, and all of your best friends are in the same spot, you don't have to go to work, and food, dancing, and fireworks are all nearby.

Oh, and there are babies. Adorable babies.

(top to bottom: sparkler-dancing, adorable babies, cute babies, hysterical babies, wonderful babies, swim pic, sparkler intensity)

I hope your Fourth of July (slash entire month of July) was delightful!

Time Travel Tuesday - We're So Stilly: Clemily Edition.

These are the Clem sisters.

From left to right, they are Jenny, Sally, and Julie.

They are some of the most wonderful people ever.

(Back story - this picture is kind of my favorite for a couple of reasons. 1) It's hilarious. I mean, duh. 2) Jenny didn't know that Sally and Julie were behind her, and Sally didn't know that Julie was behind her. Surprise! Pretend stabbing everyone!)

We've all spent a great deal of time with each other over the past 9 years, but obviously, some hang-out-sessions have become etched in "Clemily History," and they are referenced often.

One such instance was a Friday evening a few years ago that took place after a long week of school and work for all of us. Somehow the stars aligned, and everything about that evening was perfection.

The month was *September. The year was *2007.

One Friday at 5:00, Sally picked me up.

We drove to Stillwater.

We arrived at Jenny and Julie's house.

We took multiple pictures of us recreating famous monuments (obviously).

Yellow chicken curry was made.

We laughed.

We pretended to be pioneers.

Crème brûlée was made.

Jenny and I army crawled through the living room.

We laughed more.

We went to Third Place (!) and got delicious coffee beverages.

And then we played Skip-Bo.

And I'm pretty sure Julie was confused as to why Jenny and I were insane the entire night.

We also went to pick out a movie, but I don't remember what movie we picked out.

I'm sure it was stupid.

Stupidly awesome, that is.

Now comes the part where you get to enjoy some pictures from that evening.

(One day I will be better at photo collages, but today is not that day)

*Dates may or may not be accurate. As unforgettable as that night was, let's face it - my memory is the worst. All I know is that it took place in Stillwater on a Friday night when we were all still in college, and it was the best.